bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
