I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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