Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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