The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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