what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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