i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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