Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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