Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
