my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
