Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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