i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
