Already got asked if we're dating
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
