i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Randomize
