how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
