I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Still dying that you shit outside
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
