This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
