YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Randomize
