There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
