I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
