I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
