I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
