eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
