Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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