I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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