im six kinds of drunk right now
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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