i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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