I'm really into asian looking animals
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
