There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
