I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
