Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
