so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
