I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
