I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
