Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
