Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
