Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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