I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
