i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
