listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
