based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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