she woke up with a sticky ear
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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