I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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