btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
