This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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