Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
porn star boner night. come get it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
