well you can't waste a boner
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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