i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
