dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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