Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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