I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
