Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
