the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
