i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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