dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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