Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
