So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
