those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
