Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
