dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
