arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
