let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
