he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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