i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
