is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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