dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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