she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
