every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
