He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
