Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
