She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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