She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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